It has been 10 solid days since I last updated. Much has happened. These few days, my accounts at work have been balancing all the way. That was quite an encouragement to me. I have been balancing in my accounts up till today. Recently, I have becoming stressed up at work. Hating to give out change of $50, $100 etc. last Saturday, there was a sudden rise of customers during 5pm ~7pm. it greatly affected my mood. I was hungry and tired and irritated by the huge crowd.
However, I was lucky that at the end of the day, my accounts balanced...but, before achieving the balance in accounts, the nets machine failed on me…feeling so stressed up already, I shouted fuck sia stupid net machine!!! Slamming the cash board back, feeling stressed up “Ji Bai la!” spouted out from me. All my cashier friends were so shocked that such vulgarities could have come from me. I am one who does not speak much vulgarity to people unless I have no other way to relieve myself.
Again, 22-2-06, I felt so damn it stressed up with the same reason, An Janna was beside me, and she was starting to get afraid by my stress-full-ness and constantly shooting looks at me to check if I was okay. I understand her situation though…22-2-06 was another day where streams of people came into NTUC and started lining up with basketfuls; trolleys of poultry, fresh food, seafood, toiletries and stuff. They really made me go mad…Also, I wanted to close my counter just for a little while to count my money and stuff, I just put down my close counter sign when somebody showed me a black face and told me, “why you keep closing counter?” I told her, I counting money mah! Wait la!
Damn it, it was just for little while! Fuck! Was she mad with me because I closed my counter for quite some time because I had to answer nature’s call? I know that she was the one tackling the front line of customers…its hard, I know. *sigh* I think that Zhi Hao actually was with her… ok. Say that I am selfish, idiot, fucking selfish, moron what ever. I don’t care. I got many problems at hand now. Say what ever you want.

Signing off
tsuneharu… [ updating soon ]

The long wait has come and gone. Another challenge awaits me. I am in a dilemma though. Should i get myself into a Junior College or Polytechnic course [ biomedical ] life sciences department? which one? Both seem attractive in many ways that i just can't make a choice! so difficult. just yesterday, my sister broke down, my mum scolded her.... it was such a terrible scene...why did i have to be involved in it? why? *sigh* all i could do was sit, listen and watch... saying anything could not salvage the situation. all i could do, was to sit, listen and watch...why? WHY was i there at the moment of the scene? *sigh* all this sobbing, screaming still ringing in my ears all because of my future? WHY does it always have to be me, ME, MEE!!!! WHY!?! i don't want to be in this state where everyone is worrying for me... no... i dun wanna. My parents want me to go to different places. My mum says JC, Dad says Poly. Which one? I don't wanna make another decision that would cost me to regret having made through my whole life. I don't know. To think that things would start to become easier after the o levels. Fact is, it has become a whole lot complicated and confusing. One step i make, means, other doors of opportunities behind me have just closed. sigh.....on the relationship problems.
at work, it is very obvious that this girl likes me. for nothing, she approaches me and talks to me. just yesterday, i caught her looking at me. when i looked over at her, she pretended she was talking to the two cashier friends behind her. it is so obvious. Fact is, i have no feelings for her, she is not my type. My solution to it was to stay oblivious to it. To pretend i did not feel anything about her behaviour...
tsuneharu
take care and stay cool.

hiya. its been long since i updated again. very long. i wish all a belated happy '06 year!! may all your wishes be granted and may all be well and happy. And a Happy Chinese New Year to all...
now...i shall go on from where i last left off.
{working days}
december 2005 : i finally got a PS2. it was like a dream come true... i never did imagine myself to own one... ok so....when 2005 was HISTORY, january 4th...dad was bugging me as usual to get a freaking job! gah!!! could take it no more manz, called up my friend working at Toa Payoh NTUC , got myself an interview and there it was. the interview went smoothly. i got the job! i could not freaking belief myself!
[ everything that happened in between 5th to 8th january is not important ] 9th january, i did my first day training, my shi fu was Yi Peng... the job was rather fun....scan scan SCAN!!! cool! cool; though it was tiring.....i began loving my job... i remembered, that first time 1.30pm, in the office, i was the newest member of the ntuc family, everyone laid their eyes on me and looked rather puzzled. it was ok though....i kept quite and talked to Yi Peng, edwin and wei xing only. haha...yea...i was rather anti-social back then. after my training , i finally could open my own counter....yay! *runs around in circles holding flags waving 'em everywhere crazily* the rest of my days at work were kinda the-same-old-thing. couting float, supervisor card, cashier card....scan and pack, member card? dun have ah? IC oso can... no member? *kaoz, waste my time asking* here is your change, thank you....[end of day] settlement, pack float, count vouchers, cashcard and nets.... the same ol' things... slowly, i lost interest in the job.... every one hour crawled past with me saying sianz, tired siah! . kaoz, stupid customer buy so little thing give 50 bucks. i wanna go home now.
all the same stuff.... new year shopping was drawing near.... every chinese local bought basketfull of goodies and snack...preparing for the coming CNY. buying things as if their house had run out of everything to eat and use.... lmao. so funny...
during the last 2 days of the night shopping in NTUC, i was stationed at LELONG! WTH!!! 2 consecutive days!!! i seriously hurt my back and wrist....so dammmmmmmitttt painfull.
On CNY eve, i almost fainted due to fatigue. felt dizzy though out the whole day...
CNY liao! playing and eating all the way.....
fourth day of new year, i was back to work, i forgot all the department codes and fruit prices....omg...lol yea..
now, it is the 7th Feb, i was talking to edwin earlier on... [1.21 am] both of us wanna get contacts. now ying xiang is online at the moment, chatting with her almost around the same time edwin started chatting with me. lol. we got so many things in common...
i think i am having some personal problems...i need someone to listen to my problems and find a solution to it. problem is, who? do i really know myself well enough? or am i just bluffing and comforting myself its ok..never mind one...??
hm.... i got no idea.....
manz....i am in a dilemma....this or that? can i have both? so many problems...i make myself sound like a girl...lol...for goodness fucking sake!!
i just remembered....one month back, i promised my friend to write a fiction story....up till now, i still haven write...lol...any ideas? wanna know more about the story, talk to me at msn...hahaaz...
man! its late, i have work at 2pm!! gotta rest!
signing off,
best regards to all!!
tsuneharu [... g e o s t i g ma ....]

Finally, the BIG O's are over. I feel at a complete lost, like there is nothing to do now... when i am on the computer, my parents will bug me off the computer...Instead, they will ask me to read the newspapers and practice piano.... darn it. Worst of all, they are pestering me to find a job. argh......
signing off,
tsuneharu

22nd of july, what kind of bloody day is this.....it was not supposed to turn out to be this way......first, the hostality of my guy friend, then the b³'s together with K700I.......everything seems so dark and everything is just not right for me. almost everyone's relationship seems to be falling out...... all of us, sooner or later, would be separated by our selfish differences....
Staying up to make a class t-shirt with yuling, shu rong and our artist jolene......with many comments backstabbing us like a dagger thrusting into our very hearts. This makes me so disappointed, very disappointed with K700i, i never thought that b³ would actually backstab us like this and being hypocrites behind my back....
Things in school are kinda okay at the moment.... my A maths teacher seems to be ignoring me.......he does not seem to answer me....... THIS WEEK IS SO DAMN IT SCREWED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


......Tsuneharu....

hey guys...its been a long time since i blogged.......5 months + ? so many events have happened these past 5 months. the recent chinese o level paper was OkiE...hope i can get an A2 at most....at least b3... these 5 months have been very hectic...my taking over of chairman of NPCC and lots of homework...mid-year exams and stuff....some minor conflicts with friends....BUT.....my relationship with me dad is still on 'rocky waters'. For the past few days, he has been asking me to go for buddhist talks which i strongly do not want to go.......i did not want to go, and he kept forcing me, and we argued...... haix....enough of this stuff.........Ok! now...junes holidays! i have to go back to school just for D and T!!! oh man!!!! just wasting me precious time sia.....alrighty....i gotta go and prepare myself for school cya guys....Keep In Touch..
tsuneharu(weihan aka xingtao)

heLlo!!!! happy new year!!! i am now at home with my friends from PKS( phor kark see) madelind, jeremy, jian hong, yushu, yan ming, li yao, xin lin..... we were counting down at the temple..... listening the the 108 of the big bell in the temple... it symbolises the 108 troubles and unhappiness we have..... every strike of the bell, try to forget your troubles and stuff...anyway my new year aspirations are: study hard and play less........ dun quarrel with dad so often.......there!!! but then, i always break the new year aspirations... hee hee..... yawn.... getting sleepy....good night(oops?? its morning!!) well.... going to play basket ball in the morning tomorrow and going to yan mings house for a barbecue!!! hee heee.....dunno if it is going to be fun.....good MORNING!!!!!!!!
tsuneharu,
weihan

finally!!! the exams are nearly over....i cannot stand it when it comes to exams.....i am so scared that i might or will retain sia.......then kok chye and the others say i will not because i will be passing my english.....but who says so....i myself got no confidence that i will 100% pass lo.... as for Add Maths......there isn't even a ray of hope at all....... haix......very scared....tml still got Physics and Chemistry MCQ question and CME exam...haha!!!!! mrs wang asked us to study for CME!!! haha........that is like so farnie....what is there to study for CME anyway? mum has been asking me to study study and study since yesterday.......haix... during the holidays i will be going to china for 2 weeks.....it is snowing!!! yEaH!!!! i can finally go and see snow and touch snow too.......i never had a chance.......okok....i gotta log off le...
TsuneHaRu

heyx.....looks like my blogging very the inconsistent.....some times one month also dun have any entry....hahax...ok...interesting part is coming.....on saturday i went to NUS ( National University Of Singapore) for this crystal growing competition thingy....the prof's talk a lot....can talk untill taxol (the thingy to help cure cancer)!!! haha...anyway.... our crystal's were not that bad...still got one MAD person say," Wah!!! this school the crystals not bad right? so bad somemore...." kok chye was like," weihan.....dun look....later they know that you listening to their praises...." haha.........O_O" anyway.....there was reception( you call that reception?)wah lao!!! the plate so small fork so small then so many things to eat...madness!!! haha.....then need to go for 2nd,3rd ,4th serving....so malu....haha....anyway......i went home after that with kok chye and the others......haha as we made our made out of that hall, kok chye was apparently making a joke over sumone....time passed quickly....and wow...i was at home preparing my clothes for the chalet later on...i left the house at2.30 plus and reached the place like at 4.45pm??? haha...the chalet was kinda small!?! thats why 3 apartments were booked....ok....we stayed up all night untill 3 plus? and we slept outside the apartment with one medium sized mattress and two sleeping bags spread out....we layed it nicely on the floor and slept....but was woken up by the many insect bites which started to itch the hell out of us....we went into the apartment and took turn to take our bath...haha....and we din sleep anymore....haha..........
to be continued.......
TsUneHaRu

YEah!!!! i finally change one modem....connection is now faster than ever.....woo hoo!!! yea!! and i passed my Add Maths common test paper too!!! YEaH!!! i am so happy now....haha. tomorrow there will be a teachers day performance a PKS...i am performing as a piano player to lead the flute, soprano's and alto's to sing!!! but then again...i hope i will not screw up in the midst of playing the music like the other time as commander...that was so Embarassing!!! my friends are kinda against everything i say though...i just don't know why........
here's a poem...

I live in a cold-dark lonely place a place as dark as the bruise on my face. There are people around as far as I see But no one – not one - dare I ask to help me. My life is one of anger and fear I’m always afraid when he comes near. I hold my tears as I silently cry Knowing soon his fists will fly. The beatings are hard – so full of hate. Oh how much more can my body take. I’ve learned to separate me from myself It no longer hurts when he uses the belt. I know there are laws to protect those like me But leaving’s not easy – please try and see. My life is colored in black and in blue Please – oh please – don’t let it happen to you. Always remember you are worth so much more Never let anyone push you to the floor. Stand up and know you are somebody good And make him treat you just as he should. The very first time fists come at your face Run as fast as you can to a place that is safe. Don’t do as I do – please do as I say So you won’t be writing these same words one day........
oh well...gotta go now....
signing off,
tsuneharu.....

hi again..... my modem was mad during this period of common test time....i could not even use the internet.......but now it can be used again....thats weird....okok.....COMMON tesT iS oVer!! but...... final year iscoming in 3 weeks time!!! oh dear........okok.......enough crap.......i have so many projects to do like the science crystal growing and loads of homework and folios to be handed in...oh shit!!! i am getting late for tuition.......i popped by to check if everything was fine....okok.... cYax....Lala....... ...... ..... .... ... .. .
tsuNehaRu

last night......my cousin....Shu Min, Wei Xiong, Wei Xiang, Wei Bin my sister and i went to the esplanade there to look at the fireworks.....but my the time we reached there.... we were too late..... the fireworks was over.....connectivity was so terrible that i could not recieve or call anyone.....we went to sit at the bridge and waved happily at those Boat people....haha....some of them waved back too....we played stupid games which were fun and nice.....haha....we proceeded back home and it was already coming to 11.00pm......i managed to go to bed at 12.30am.... that was so longsHiT!!! And just like i mentioned in the last entry....i screwed up deep shit during the PLEDGE!!! i just forgot how to say it!! i was so nervous.....so nervous that i was shaking from head to toe.....shivering....shivering as if i just came out from the freezer...... everyone was staring at me because i for got the pledge.....i feel so pai seh....die liao...... oh well......it is still 12.40pm.....maybe i will make another entry later.....i feel so tired i going to BED!!!

haix....my com internet spoil and spoil....useless thingy..... so difficult to update my blog now a days.... anyway... i am parade commander for a parade at Ah Hood Garden GRC i guess..... oh well...i am so nervous now.... i scared!!!! later my brain block then i die liao......everything finish...the Guest-Of-Honour........guess who?? it is Mr Khaw( the state of health thingy person) scary eh...... what if a say the command suddenly sneeze or cough how??? so lose face unno.....oh yah...i had a quarrel with my dad two days ago..it was on friday night.... he was talking about my attitude and all.....blah blah blah.....i din know what was going on with me....i talked backed....there was this..... this..... strong emotion lurking inside me.....it seemed that i could not control it.... this anger lurking in me....it did not seem to go away..... minutes passed and i just got angrier and angrier....i could not stand it!!!! i felt like i was going to explode like a dynamite going t blow off a quarry or something..... this quarrel seemed to take forever....it did not seem to end......aaRgHh!!!! i was going mad...this emotion was driving me crazy!!!! the arguement seemed to end there when my dad said that i had to check my attitude..... ok....i ended in such a funny way......oh well....i guess i will end today's entry here.........Tatax... i seem to be writing an essay hahax.... but what i said up there was true....
WEiHAn

haix....it been one month before i blogged in le.....this place is getting old.....i am going to reconstruct this place of mine...........there...*dOnE!!* anyway, today was cross-country day at macritchie reservor...... i was a reserve in the competition who was desperately wanting to take over some one who could not make it..... i had good luck with me therefore i got to run in the end...haha.... but i did not know that the route to run was muddy and wet.....oh well.... i had a sharp pain below my lungs.....*ouchies* i did hurt.......i couldnot run anymore.... so pain...i jogged and walked most of the time after the sharp pain came to me...... i managed to finish the run without dying...but i felt asthmatic.....i could hardly catch my own breath and i thought that i was going to die...thats scary..... but...
TOPAZ LOST!!!!! so sad......... i walked home with some of my frens who wanted to come to my house to play badminton.... we went to have roti prata at the famous prata shop near my house and guess what happened? the reciept flew onto the curry!!! and zhi qiang went to put reciept on roy's plate full of sugar......haix.... EwwW....that was disgusting.....*bleaghx* oh well...this is were i will stop..... i am going for dinner at New Fut Kai Vegetarian Restaurant........ cyax......Tsuneharu( weihan )

its been one month since i came back here....woah....look how dusty this place is..better clean it up a bit.....dum de dum...lalalala...scrub a dub...squeaky clean now...yeah!!! ( lame rite.....haha) ok......first... my exam results have been a disaster.....i did not pass 3 subjects.....haix.... how sad...this is just so sad...ANYWAY..... i can't WAIT for FINAL FANTASY ADVENT CHILDREN TO CuM ouT iN tHE cIneMas SOoN!!!! i can't wait.....check out this webbie on Final Fantasy Advent Chilren http://www.square-enix.co.jp/dvd/ff7ac/ ( rudolf.....dun comment anything on Final fantasy pls...) a few people said that i have lost weight..... haha...i dun think so neh... and...i have been crazy over japanese anime!!! first it was RAVE, then Fushigi Yuugi, then Samurai X and now..... FRUIT BASKET!!!! argh.....i am too addicted liao.....
so many distractions....gonna die........june holidays are passing by so quickly...i just want time to travel slowly so that i can enjoy the peace and forget about all my problems in school...then again...HOMEWORK.....sianx...... loads of them i have to do....why!!! WHY!!!!!!! i going to go mad soon.....isolation at home is no good...i wanna go out......oh yah....i handphone going to spoil liao lor....i think i make the sound so loud untill the speakers are going bonkers.... that's all for today....by the way...i am going to change my background for my blog liao...
TsunEharU

Hey!!!! one week of my exams over liao! left with another week then its over...... haIx....physics paper was a killer and chinese leh... needless to say....i was feeling sick one monday (the chinese paper) blame it on this darn it chinese......makes people sick..... haix....after the chinese test i really could not support my body to stand up that well... my limbs just did not obey me....they felt so weak and tired....i realli felt like fainting....waOh.......how scary it was.....i was then having fever at that time too......38.6 degree C so high lorz..... i still had to go to school even though i was sick....but i made it till today!?!?! HurraY? haha i am feeling ok now liao lor.....that is good news lar..only cough and slight sorethroat nia......but never mind.... today's chemistry paper was not that difficult after all.....haha only someparts i dunnoe....
thats for all.....

Yeah!! i FinaLly have done up my blog!!! *grinX* haix.... exams already... on friday i went to meet eli, weiyao ( rudolf ) elynn at long john's silver to study maths.....(but most of the time joking around) haha.....
all these corny jokes me said........ eli was so careless to drop the whole plate of food on his pants....luckily only a little bit of his french fries dropped on the floor....wei yao then freaked out....he dropped his calculator in the floor....i was like," wOAh! or Weah!" haha forgot what sounds i mad liao... anyway....... i studying chinese too...it's boring and i dozed off......haha how sad.... oh well....i gtg study hard...or my dad and mum will not get my report books signed......haix...

"And so it came to be
this isolation that I am
I can only look to me
to find the way it all began -
this confusion, constant
hunger for something more than this
I strive to find this being
that I envision, yet seem to miss.
Could it be that I am empty-
or maybe a little lost?
Could it be that I am lonely,
or seek happiness at any cost?
This never-ending Something
that I am living deep inside,
depicts the illusion of myself
and all I have to hide."
how i wish that everything would just be over.... i dun wanna be a substitute friend.... everyone needs a fren for company... no man is an island and no one like to be alone.....

today was such a busy day. i stay back do homework untill school closing liao then leave lor....then come back still needa study for my physics test. oh yes..
there was this bitch who boarded the bus yesterday... she made me so pissed with her...who does she think she is man.... i is merely a bitch who thinks highly of herself. so what, if i accidentally touch her bag while moving my bag back to my shoulders?? nothing wrong with that right?? then stared at me..... what the hell is wrong with this bitch....she could have moved away what....she just stood there....letting the same thing happen again...
i feel like slapping her now. then i reached school....going to the water cooler...saw that bitch there blocking one out of the two water coolers just for talking to her boifren. so...i stood behind the guy....then she moved aside to let me fill my bottle.....guess what she did? she rolled her eyes at me!!! she really has an attitude...i hope that she would get a taste of her medicine....see what it feels like.....
MAN!!! so DaMn PisSeD juSt thInKiNg BoUt thIs ThiNg.......
why waste my time......stupid bitch........

such a tiring and taxing week....i cannot stand it. what can i do? school work is hectic......thoughout the week....i feel so tired......not much life left in me .... a complete difference from my usual slacking life.... i wanna rest i long long time....